Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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