Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
