Porn is love you can see.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
