her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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