He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
