The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
