I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
