so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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