i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
