so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize