I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Couch. On fire.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
