Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
