Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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