hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize