6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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