We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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