never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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