hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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