I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have already put on my inside pants.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
