I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
