everyone is single if you try hard enough
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
