I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
thus making me awesome and them whores
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
