don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
