TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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