pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
