Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
