I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
