I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I deserve this hangover.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
