So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
