how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
