Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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