no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize