i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
