Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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