she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
this is an emotional support booty call
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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