Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
