Don't you send me to vm
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
