and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize