I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
