This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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