the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
