I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize