I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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