after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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