considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize