i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
