Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
