dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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