I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
