God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize