Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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