toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
