Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize