then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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