it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
