He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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