I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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