I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
