I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
