We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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