New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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