OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
