i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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