my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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