i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize