Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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