Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
