You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
