Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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