Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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