go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
