Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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