I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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