I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize