im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I still have a little drunk in my system
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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