Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
