Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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