And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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