We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
