hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
