I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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