I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize