It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize