would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
