i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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