scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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