His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
